Ima Nkanta

An Unbeliever

Hey! Let no spell of any kind – call it good looking, money, sociability and fun-loving – blindfold you to accept to marry an unbeliever.  First Corinthians 6:14 warns that God’s temple should not have any relationship with the temple of idol. Sadly, many beloved daughters of God fall into this sad ditch just because they thought, ‘Oh, he’s such a nice man that after marriage ceremony becomes a monster.  Don’t also buy into the lie that, ‘time is running out, so I must marry him since the brothers are not coming forth.’ Don’t also convert him to your own church and hopes he has given his life to Christ – you’ll be shocked to know later you were very wrong – a leopard does not change his colour. Several believing sisters tried it and ended up with bruised emotion.  Why you will find it difficult to enjoy marriage to an unbeliever is simple: light and darkness don’t cohabit. If you are already at the verge of yoking yourself with an unbeliever, quit now and hold onto God’s unfailing promise that, God setteth the solitary in families, Psalm 68:6a. If your husband does not have love and fervency in which you have shown towards God and the kingdom, there will be friction. And in many such situations, women either lose their faith or walk away from the union.

A Pretender

Do we have a pretender, a cheat or liar in church? Yes, very many. They are men who creep into churches for other reasons rather than God and His kingdom. How do you know them? They are smooth, sugar-coated sweet talking brothers who present themselves to be zealous, pious and committed, yet outside the church they become as poisonous snake who will argue you down on moral uprightness and godliness. They often say, it’s not possible for anyone to be holy in the present world. He is someone who finds it fun to criticize, backbite and disdain even the pastor. Before the pastor, he will behave but kick at him behind. Sister, run away from such bros; he will do same to you. Such men would team up with his family to oppress you. With him, your salvation, joy and peace will face real danger. If he is not sincere and transparent with you; there’s danger ahead. James 1:8 describes him as a double-minded man who is unstable in all his ways.


A Christian man who is lazy is a big liability. You will stretch yourself thin labouring to feed him and raise kids alone. Never marry a lazy man no matter how spiritual he is. He must work hard and earn a wage such that he can take care of his family and other responsibilities. How can a man stay unemployed after graduating for three years and you are still hooking up with him because you think there are no jobs? Truth is that the man is lazy. There are several jobs begging for skillful persons; it takes a hard-worker to get them. Nowadays, men prefer to marry hard-working ladies who will fuel their cars, pay house rent and children school fees and clothes for them. If you marry this type of a believer, you have made your bed with oppression; Pro 12: 24, says so! 


Can we find Christian men who are pleasure-seekers? They are everywhere. They have unabated appetite for sexual immorality and alcoholism. They will tell you that after marriage they will stop sleeping around. But it is a lie! If they cannot stop sleeping around now that they are singles, it will be difficult to stop after marriage because immorality is a spirit. The best way to save yourself the agony of marrying a man who is a flirt is to cut off relationship with such a partner. Oftentimes, such men flock around friends outside the church who practice these excesses and have the spirit transferred on them because despite being born again, they have not obeyed the counsel that evil communication corrupt good manners. The Bible enjoins you sister to cut off from such Christian a man. 1 Corinthians 5:11 But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat.

An Addict

Does it surprise you that we still have men in the church who are addicted to substances such as marijuana, cocaine, alcohol and other debased behaviors like homosexuals, yet hide under the cover of the church rather than seek help for deliverance and rehabilitation? Men who indulge in these behaviours are emotionally distorted and think that these stimulants would help them be real men, not knowing that they are rather being enslaved. Some of these deviant men often look for pious and dedicated sisters to marry. If you discover the man who has asked your hand in marriage has a problem with addiction, never try to change him. At most he will pretend to stop while clandestinely indulging in them until after wedding when you have no more option of quitting. So many daughters of God have had to abandon their matrimonial home due to inability to cope with hubbies who are addicts.

Mummy’s Boy

The proverb, ‘He’s tied to the mother’s string,’ is still relevant today. It means the mother has full control over the man’s decision. You should marry a man who has grown up. One of the most difficult men a sister can live with is a man who cannot do without taking advice from his mother. While it is not altogether bad for a man to seek advice from his parent over his family affair, the danger is that if the mother is not rooted in the word of God, out of envy, she would misadvise the son against the wife. Be wary of a man who always makes reference to ‘what the mother said or will say’ before taking a decision, else be prepared to subordinate your marriage to the whims of your mother-in-law. Oftentimes, resentful mother-in-law do not mean well for the daughter-in-law. He should be firm, respect the mother’s opinion but run his family based on Godly principles.


Dreams are very essential to success but day-dreaming without a corresponding action is a mirage. Men who day-dream are unserious and non-committed to any cause of life. They will talk big but act nothing. Their big talk is a ploy to win the lady’s heart. How can he build a castle in the air when he hasn’t even been able to pay his bills? Most ladies who go with day-dreaming men end up wounding themselves because they will spend even their little income on the man who continues to talk big, no action. And the talk of the lips, says the Proverbs 14:23 tends to penury. In today’s economy, there’s nothing anyone will tell you he will achieve that someone else has not achieved. If you are a lady wanting to marry a daydreamer, you will end up picking his bills, training your children. No lady wants to do that, so be careful.

Too rigid

When a man is too rigid, he is not good as a husband. Life is give and take. Unless you are ready to accommodate your spouse’s preferences, you are not ready to make a happy and peaceful home. Agreed that the man is the head of the home but not the headmaster. Being head of the home places on you leadership responsibilities. A good leader listens to his subordinates and finds a way to accommodate their choices. A man that must insist the lady should always go his own way is like a taskmaster. Such a man will be so jealous and may be a wife-beater because when he finds the wife didn’t comply he may out of anger smack the woman. Woman, ensure the man you are about to marry is flexible enough to listen and also accept your suggestions.

Too secretive

Some men can be secretive. A young man approached a Christian lady in the church for marriage but kept secret information on his first marriage which produced two children he kept away with the aunt somewhere. It took a while for someone to hint the lady but it was already too late as she was already pregnant for him. Other men will hide their finances and the kind of business they do. Lady, if your fiancé does not let you into all the corners of his life and make it an open book, there is little likelihood he will change after marriage. Being secretive has destroyed many homes; some ladies who found out dirty tracks of their husband find it too shameful to continue in the union. Ensure he tells you about his kind of business, friends and finances. Nothing is wrong if he tells you he has children from someone else; the earlier you know the better prepared you’ll be to cope with it.

A Miserly

A man that’s always not generous towards you while courting cannot change overnight. How can he say he loves you and is sending just one hundred naira recharge card, expecting you to call him with it? Amazing! But some sisters have related experiences of men sending them one hundred naira credit for calls to them. Not having enough money at the moment is a different thing from not being generous. Miserly man will tell you ‘there’s no money’ each time you require some financial assistance. A miserly will never tell you he has. His refrain is always; ‘no money.’ Marrying such person, you should be prepared to fend for yourself and your children. If you know you won’t be able to cope with a close-fisted person as a husband, think and think!  A generous person will spend to the last kobo to support the spouse’s good interest. Be careful, don’t marry a miserly person.

Quest News 24

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